I wish I could teleport
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
