It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
