oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
