Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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