I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
