Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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