Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I wish life had little blips of pornography
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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