you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
My pussy is not your playground.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
