I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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