I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
