Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
