Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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