Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
