god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
