You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
