3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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