I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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