Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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