I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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