she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I look better un-naked...
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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