Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
she smelled like a LAN party
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
