Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
