that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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