That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
