Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
