what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
