what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
