Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
