You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
