hell yes lets make some ravioli
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
