I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
