I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
