We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
