but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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