Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
