My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I want her autograph on my taint
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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