Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
