She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
