We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
3pm strippers are depressing
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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