I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My cat gives me a boner
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
