the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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