i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Randomize
