Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I have already put on my inside pants.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
