It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
