Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
