i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
