I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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