Whod you bang
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Randomize
