I just made out with a guy for $7.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Let's paint friendship bongs
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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