i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
