Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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