he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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