It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
