Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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