I looked at my own cervix.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
