like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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