i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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