I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
