the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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