birth control should be required to get into college
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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