summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Houston, we have a squirter
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize