Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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