You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
