I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
