We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
