I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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