The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
