She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
