Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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